My morning thought that made me cry
Now that I’m conscious, I think about my life when I was younger, when I was a kid. When nothing was more important than being playing outside with my friends, when I could be happy with just a soccer ball or a wooden racket, an old tennis ball, and a wall. Many years where getting dirty was the only one goal.
Hundred of falls when going down the hill on a skateboard, which meant blood and tears, tears that quickly got dry because my desire for continuing playing was bigger than the pain. Countless hours sitting on the sidewalk laughing with my friends.
Don’t get me wrong, problems and rejection were part of my life too. It wasn’t perfect at all.
But my mind was always outside; Running, singing, jumping, fighting for stupid things, dreaming and living the moment. Being present.
What happens to us, why we stop living our life?
Once, we are free and happy with small things, and without even noticing, we found ourselves in a place where we stopped being what we used to be. In a place where you are not longer you, but what you should be. What you should be for your family, or what you should be in order to be considered by society, Or just to be seen.
You start putting your dreams in a little box and you put that box somewhere inside, you hide the box because your dreams are not what society wants, what your family maybe wants. Here, you start your journey to living the life that others expect you to have… A journey that sometimes ends in the graveyard.
Maybe you do something similar to what I did. Having meaningless conversation, having a lot of parties and fun, trying to be disconnected from myself as many times as possible. My Mom and Grandparents were my life and what gave me happiness by then. Also, I had a great girlfriend that kind of started waking me up, and few awesome friends.
But everything out of my family was the same… I was burning days, seeing life passing by without any special meaning… Because I didn’t belong there. Depression and anxiety start taking over you.
Your voice is the only one that matters
Suddenly, you find yourself unhappy, you are criticized or judged by society or even by family for being where you are… In that place where you never wanted to be, in that place where external voices were quiet, but your own voice was screaming to be free.
After a while the Box inside becomes very heavy and you can’t hold it anymore. Here is where you wake up, where you wake up to life again…
I’m in this part right now. I opened my box and I’m bringing my dreams back to life, I am taking everything out and listening to myself, as I always should’ve done. Shutting up every external voice that tells me that I am insane for having such a goal or dream. Taking care of my body and mind. Doing what I love…
This is the best part
You know what? When you really love what you do and who you are, work is not longer a bad word, discipline becomes your friend, consistency is not impossible as you thought, studying is your passion… And finally, you find again a reason to wake up everyday and fight for your dreams.
Take your box, open it, and bring everything out. Grab what you love and start living for those dreams again, listen to yourself.
You have all the answers you need.